Zestra, Vagisil, Masengill

REALLY!!!!  Now, I don't know about some of you folks out there, but, I can remember growing up as a child and seeing commercials for women discussing that "not fresh feeling" and offering each other the Masengill "disposable" douche.  Now, being older and wiser, I wonder did they ever really need to add the disposable part.  I mean was it common practice for people to reuse douches?  Maybe so, I've never had to use one myself but I would think that reusing a douche would be more difficult than say..  reusing a condom.  At least with a condom you can turn it inside out and shake the F#%K out of it.  Then I guess that women used the damn douches so much that they gave themselves all that itchy feeling.  Really, just about the time that they started talking about that nasty, itchy, burning feeling the Masengill commercials disappeared.  Anybody starting to see a trend here.  So now the next generation of kids were able to learn all about that nastiness and the miracle that is Vagisil.  Thank God for Vagisil, by the way, just the ability to use it in jokes for whiny men has been worth its weight in gold.  Now, for all those who have wrecked themselves from prolonged use of both the "Masengill Disposable Douche" and "Vagisil" they have "Zestra" so you can get some of that feeling back.  Now my kids are growing up finding out what product to buy to get "there".  Sure, they like to blame the lack of feeling on other things such as having kids (my wife has had 6 children and we're not experiencing a "getting there" issue) but I submit to you, the reader, have you seen a "Vagisil" commercial since the "Zestra" commercials started.  Conspiracy Theorists unite!!!!

The Veterans Affairs Telephone Information System

Ok, so, I don't know how many of you out there reading this are vets but I feel the need to share something about calling the VA.  So, today I have my monthly therapeutic appointment with a wonderful Nurse Practitioner to discuss how I'm feeling and whether or not we need to make any adjustments to the multitude of medications I devour on a daily basis.  I couldn't remember the exact time and couldn't find the convenient mailing that they send out to remind me of the appointment, and for some reason I forgot to put it on my calendar, so, I decided to call the VA to get the time.  So here is basically the chain of events when placing a call to the VA.

First, they tell you to listen carefully as their options have recently changed.  Now, I have been calling the VA for years and they must be changing them sum bitches constantly because this little quote has been a staple of the standard recording for as long as I can remember.

Second, they tell you that if this is an emergency to please hang up and dial 911.  Really?  Does this mistake happen that often?  "Oh shit, I'm bleeding out, let me look up the VA in my contacts and call them because it would be so much easier".  Whatever.

Third, they tell you that if you need to reach the suicide hotline to please hang up and dial 1-800 whatever.  Alright, now you've got somebody on the edge, they call the VA for help and are basically being told you've got the wrong number.  WHAT THE FUCK!!!  Are you telling me that with technology today that the VA can not offer a connection to a suicide counselor by pressing 8?  I mean really, do away with the fucking Spanish version because if you are a vet you probably learned to take orders in English at some point.

Now, finally if you have manged to survive listening to all this bullshit without hanging up and dialing the suicide hotline, you do finally get to some options.  Imagine my surprise when I selected my option and a live person answered the phone.  I was so dumbfounded that I told the person I was not expecting to have to speak and they replied that they could hang up if I wanted, jokingly of course.  So, I got my question answered and will be leaving directly after this post to get my head shrunk.

Thank you and have a nice day :-)

The Black Label Order

So you love Black Label Society but don't know many others who do, or you want to know more about that bad ass guitar player who played with James Durbin on American Idol last week, either way The Black Label Order is where it's at.  The "official" fan club for Black Label Society is housed here and has members only exclusive news, merchandise, and forums.  As a member you get advance notice of concerts and exclusive pre-sale options as well as Meet and Greet add-ons that are not available to non-members.  There are even some interesting things for non-members, so, take a moment to check it out.

Sports, birthdays, and sleepovers

So today was opening day for the Havre de Grace little league.  Luckily they were able to squeeze in the festivities and Noah got to play his first T-Ball game before the rain forced an end to things.  Lacrosse players on the other hand don't care about no stinking rain.  Jacob's team played at 11 when the rain had started to come down pretty steady.  In advance, all games were moved to the HDG high school turf field so we wouldn't have to play in the mud.  Jacob was moved up to Attack from his normal position on defense today and took advantage of the move by scoring his first goal of the year.  Hannah's and Sarah's softball team the Storm did not have a game scheduled today, there opening game will be on Monday.  Today is Hannah's 9th Birthday, so HAPPY BIRTHDAY HANNAH!!!!!  She has a couple of her friends over to celebrate.  They are already eager for the evening to wind down so they can stay up late and watch scary movies.  Well, not to much exciting here but I wanted to get a word in as I haven't had much to say the past couple of days.  Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

James Durbin: Heavy Metal

I am NOT a fan of American Idol, but, on April 13th, Black Label Society frontman and guitarist Zakk Wylde was on hand to "ROCK" the American Idol studio playing the song "Heavy Metal" from the soundtrack of the 1981 movie of the same name.  Performing the song was Idol contestant James Durbin, who gave a flawless performance and really used the talents of Mr. Wylde to put on a display that Idol viewers will not soon forget.  Check it out!!!

Head Wounds again!!!

To add to the saga of the head wounds, on Monday, Noah (age 4) was running through the house, slipped on the tile floor, and smacked the side of his head into the stair rail.  This constituted another trip to the ER where he was given one staple to seal the wound shut as seen in the third photo.  For those of you just coming aboard, the first photo was from March 23, when Noah's sister Hannah decided to slam a door into his head.  The second photo is of my son Jacob (age 7) who, while at school, ran through a gate that didn't open as far as he thought it did leading him to connect his forehead with a pole.  So three ER trips in three weeks all for stitches in the head.  I'm anticipating CPS to come busting through the door any minute.

Welcome to Solid Goad!!!

No this isn't a flashback to the '70's but it is where it's at, or at least where it's going to be.  This is my new home on the web where I'll be posting thoughts, happenings, a little of this and a little of that.  If you don't already know me, I am a father, husband, coach, veteran, berserker, lover of heavy metal music, and an aspiring guitar player (my latest thing).  Now those qualifications alone should be able to fill pages of worthless information for the dustbin of history.  I have some ideas of some things that I would like to share with you, such as, some videos of my guitar playing ability, or lack thereof, as well as a possible weight loss diary complete with photos should I feel the energy to do so.  If this sounds interesting to you, please feel free to follow and spread it.  BTW, the ads on this page all go to support ME, so please if you see something that interests you, it doesn't cost anything to click.  Peace I'm outta here!!!!